You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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