$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
