he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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