I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
