New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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