I just saw a hot homeless man
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
