Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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