i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i out mim tonsoeep
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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