Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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