the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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