The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
FUCK WHALES
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
