1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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