Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
