A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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