I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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