plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
