I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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