I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
