Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
