Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
