At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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