didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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