He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
