I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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