Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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