If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
