so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
