i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
