Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
