The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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