I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
