the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
