The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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