it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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