its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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