mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
