He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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