What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
