quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
