Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
