PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
