he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
