So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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