Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
