whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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