You work out of a Hotel?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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