and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
