just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
