Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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