That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
being pregnant is like rehab
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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