Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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