she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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