Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize