how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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