so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
