this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
