I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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