at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
