i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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