i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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