I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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