Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
