A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
