worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
