I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
