Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
