His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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