Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
