I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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