Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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