He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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