Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
how does that bad decision feel?
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