He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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